Friday, December 22, 2006
Sometimes, you think it's so difficult to let go of someone, or something.
When you were young, it was your mummy's hand when you were learning how to walk. Then it's that little stuffed toy you've had since you were 3. Then it was that childhood friend you had to leave when you moved into another neighbourhood. Then, it was leaving your primary school, your second home for six beautiful and torturous (depending on whether it's recess) years. And growing even older, it's someone dear to you. Someone close to your heart. Whether it's a mum, a dad, sister, brother, best friend, boyfriend, just someone who's holds utmost importance in your life.
Imagine that person leaving; be it physically, emotionally, doesn't matter, just leaving. Close your eyes, imagine, think for a while how life will be like without them. Maybe they passed away, or maybe they're going to a country far far away. But the point is that you'll never see them, hear them, speak to them, feel them, laugh with them, cry with them, hug them, kiss them, anything. Never again. Non-existant. Zero. Nada. Zilch. And you get the point.
It's hard huh? Almost brings a tear to your eyes eh?
Well, maybe it was just me. Emo-shite me. haha.
But in actual fact, it isn't so difficult. Difficult yes, but not
that difficult.
You'd think your world would fall apart without them. But no, it won't, if you don't let it happen, that is. That person may be the most important person to you in the world, the person you love most in the world.You feel your heart breaking, till what's left in there is a dull aching sensation. You feel your heart drop when that person is hurt, and you'd do anything in the world to go back in time to change how things turned out. But no, it isn't so hard. Not so hard to let go.No, it isn't so bad.
It gets better each day. There's the silence, yes. And the heartwrenching loneliness. And the memories. You look at something, or hear something, and bam! That person comes into your head. You smile cause it's a joke only you two share. A private luxury. But that instant reminder, and then the floodgates to the painful memories come crashing in. Then the feelings come pouring in like a broken dam. And you start wondering, when the hell you'll get your life back. When your life will resume normalcy. When you'll stop having a different life in your head and out of it.
Sometimes, you get a tap on your back, and that person's name just flashes in yor head. For that moment, you forget that person's gone, and you turn around ecstatically, only to feel stupid moments after. Happens, it does really. And the dreams, don't even get started on it. No, you don't wake up crying; rather, you curse.
When will all these end, you ask. It will, if you allow an end to it.
Stop replaying scenes in my head yeni, stop thinking yeni, I always tell myself. Drive you nuts really.
I was just listening to this song, wonder if it's considered an oldie, yet.
I'm not sure who it's by, but it's called
"It's true"
The chorus goes something like
"It's true, i mean it, from the bottom of my heart. It's true, without you I would fall apart"
The tune and melody and whatever there is to it, yea, it's catchy. But when i heard the lyrics, I laughed out loud(lol,haha, sorry, couldn't restrain myself).
It's not true. No, it isn't.
You can't fall apart if someone goes. You just can't. It's just not possible. Now that I think of it, such songs should not be heard. It's discouraging. People gotta be more independent than that.
All these stupid love songs, bad for health.
okok, i'll cut the (act-)cheem stuff out cos after one big round, my point is lost somewhere in the convulated webs of my random thoughts.
I just mean, no, you can't fall apart and won't if someone goes. Only you can allow yourself to fall apart. No one else can make you.
You're as strong as you make yourself out to be.
yea, i think that's what i mean.
damn,
I'm so incoherent sometimes.
yeni posted at 12:55 AM â¢
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