Thursday, December 28, 2006
wow.these few days have been crazy for me. whirlwind of events. ok but first of all,
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
i had an unusual christmas, very unusual. haha. received an unexpected gift from my mummy this year too. it made me, very happy. went to the esplanade for some supposedly xmas countdown, which did not happen, and inhaled plenty of poisonour fumes from those annoying spray things. poor sweeper was working his ass off while stupid people kept on spraying. terrible huh?played pool and reached home late. woke up late on xmas morning (afternoon?). haha. stayed home and bantered on with my family. went out for dinner. and we set off for bintan the next day!(yesterday) haha.
since it was raining half the time, no tanning, bummer.
two highlights:
the massage and fishing.
ok, not that fishin's much of a highlight, but i've nv laughed so much when i was frustrated in my whole life.
ok massage first:
it was a sea salt massage and it was Excruciating. it burnt and felt like my skin was gonna tear ok! when the therapist started at my feet, i almost kicked her face cos it tickled so bad. poor lady. have a knack for injuring the innocent (rmb the doctor?). haha. but after the jacuzzi soak, it was heaven. fell asleep almost immediately when i hit the sheets. haha.
fishin:
boy, do i hate fishing.
i paired up with lini for fishin (bad idea, real bad). though i should admit sth: i am a walking hazard with a fishing rod. do steer clear of me when i am attempting to fling the rod. ok, so anyway. lini and i were just sittin there quietly, waitin for a tug. she claimed she had a fish and started reeling it in. and her lines got all tangled and she just kept going. got worse and worse. gave up on the fish and tried fixing it. i took pity on her, passed her my rod and tried fixing hers. she got bored and started fishin with my rod. and spolit that too. frustrated and amazed at her ability and speed to destroy rods, we called the guy over. he passed us new rods and tried fixing our rods, which was BOTH spoilt by her. but the guy probably thiinks we're both horrible. so with our new rods, we happily started fishin. till lini spoilt hers again. i went
"im not passing you my rod man. and that's three rods in an hour.the guy probably hates our guts la. you suck." haha. moral of the story :
DON'T bring lini out to fish, ever.
though she claims it's the lousy quality of the rod.
still contemplating if i should give her the benefit of the doubt.
hahaha!
it was, or still is, obscenely rainy. works both ways, i guess. you can sleep in, but you cant go out, or rather, it's way too inconvenient. this leads to alot of thinking time. again, which works both ways. haiya.
pardon me for my long post. will do one of those reader-friendly list-like posts soon.
till then, g'nite readers =)
yeni posted at 12:01 AM â¢
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Friday, December 22, 2006
Sometimes, you think it's so difficult to let go of someone, or something.
When you were young, it was your mummy's hand when you were learning how to walk. Then it's that little stuffed toy you've had since you were 3. Then it was that childhood friend you had to leave when you moved into another neighbourhood. Then, it was leaving your primary school, your second home for six beautiful and torturous (depending on whether it's recess) years. And growing even older, it's someone dear to you. Someone close to your heart. Whether it's a mum, a dad, sister, brother, best friend, boyfriend, just someone who's holds utmost importance in your life.
Imagine that person leaving; be it physically, emotionally, doesn't matter, just leaving. Close your eyes, imagine, think for a while how life will be like without them. Maybe they passed away, or maybe they're going to a country far far away. But the point is that you'll never see them, hear them, speak to them, feel them, laugh with them, cry with them, hug them, kiss them, anything. Never again. Non-existant. Zero. Nada. Zilch. And you get the point.
It's hard huh? Almost brings a tear to your eyes eh?
Well, maybe it was just me. Emo-shite me. haha.
But in actual fact, it isn't so difficult. Difficult yes, but not
that difficult.
You'd think your world would fall apart without them. But no, it won't, if you don't let it happen, that is. That person may be the most important person to you in the world, the person you love most in the world.You feel your heart breaking, till what's left in there is a dull aching sensation. You feel your heart drop when that person is hurt, and you'd do anything in the world to go back in time to change how things turned out. But no, it isn't so hard. Not so hard to let go.No, it isn't so bad.
It gets better each day. There's the silence, yes. And the heartwrenching loneliness. And the memories. You look at something, or hear something, and bam! That person comes into your head. You smile cause it's a joke only you two share. A private luxury. But that instant reminder, and then the floodgates to the painful memories come crashing in. Then the feelings come pouring in like a broken dam. And you start wondering, when the hell you'll get your life back. When your life will resume normalcy. When you'll stop having a different life in your head and out of it.
Sometimes, you get a tap on your back, and that person's name just flashes in yor head. For that moment, you forget that person's gone, and you turn around ecstatically, only to feel stupid moments after. Happens, it does really. And the dreams, don't even get started on it. No, you don't wake up crying; rather, you curse.
When will all these end, you ask. It will, if you allow an end to it.
Stop replaying scenes in my head yeni, stop thinking yeni, I always tell myself. Drive you nuts really.
I was just listening to this song, wonder if it's considered an oldie, yet.
I'm not sure who it's by, but it's called
"It's true"
The chorus goes something like
"It's true, i mean it, from the bottom of my heart. It's true, without you I would fall apart"
The tune and melody and whatever there is to it, yea, it's catchy. But when i heard the lyrics, I laughed out loud(lol,haha, sorry, couldn't restrain myself).
It's not true. No, it isn't.
You can't fall apart if someone goes. You just can't. It's just not possible. Now that I think of it, such songs should not be heard. It's discouraging. People gotta be more independent than that.
All these stupid love songs, bad for health.
okok, i'll cut the (act-)cheem stuff out cos after one big round, my point is lost somewhere in the convulated webs of my random thoughts.
I just mean, no, you can't fall apart and won't if someone goes. Only you can allow yourself to fall apart. No one else can make you.
You're as strong as you make yourself out to be.
yea, i think that's what i mean.
damn,
I'm so incoherent sometimes.
yeni posted at 12:55 AM â¢
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Wednesday, December 20, 2006
L
O
O
K
S
are
often
oh-so-deceiving.
yeni posted at 10:48 PM â¢
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Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Have you ever thought of someone and wondered, or wished even, if he would be thinking of you at that exact same time? And then proceed to call you just when you're holding your phone and hesitating to call him? Or thought about what he's doing, or if he's also missing you? Or have you ever, in the confines of an empty room, craved for something you wished you never had? Or even replay scenes and memories of broken relationships, and wonder your night away what the hell you did wrong? Then cursed yourself for what you think you did wrong? That my dear, is the ugly side of love.
Many times, in movies and novels, you read about great love, love overcoming all, two people against all odds, finally getting together and living happily ever after, blahblahblah. But what these shows often fail to depict is the bad side.What about the victims of love? Those who pines, but never get pined over. Those who love, but never get loved in return. Those who's loved ones, don't know of their love. Or those who's loved ones, don't love them in the same manner. Those are the victims of love. And very often, are the same ones who get overlooked and ignored, and forgotten. Why? Because everybody has such a perfect picture of love, pure and untainted, unadulterated love.
No matter how strong a woman is, how stubborn and feministic she may be, she'll always have this untarnished impression of love. Be it knight in shining armour, or rich and famous rock star, or doctors in white gowns, or lawyers in black suits. But they will all be romantic, caring, humourous and blahblahblah. They'll be there
miraculously whenever they're down (even if you don't call them), they'll know when to call, they'll be a hit with their parents, and be the envy of all their friends. Why is that?
Blame Korean/Taiwanese/Japanese/whatever-nese dramas. Blame Hollywood. Blame romance novels. Why, you ask me? Remember the time when you watched Meteorite Garden (yeayea, the one with F4). Wasn't there a time for all girls who has watched this, when you wished a met a Daoming Si? When he'd save you from thugs, have an endless supply of cash, and is cool and hot and the works? And he'd kiss you in the rain and have this cute dimple in his cheek whenever he grins? I bet you have! Or read books and likened yourself to the characters in the story just so you'd have the pleasure of pretending to have the perfect boyfriend in your daydream. Typical. It's because of these stupid dramas. You start hallucinating, becomg delusional and dreaming for the impossible. You become vulnerable and harbour stupid illusions of Prince Charming.
But love isn't like that for all of us. For most of us. It's tough, but true. Many of us mere motals get rejected, end up unloved, ignored and depressed. It's a sad truth. I'm not being cynical or annoying. It is.
oh what the hell. stupid dramas making me emo. there is no point in this post. just disjointed paragraphs that randomly come to mind.
yeni posted at 8:23 PM â¢
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Saturday, December 16, 2006
ten things
yeni thinks
guys shouldn't do
(in public or with their gfs).
they shouldn't:
1) wear pink or purple, nor slippers with jeans, nor socks with sandals, under ANY circumstances
2) carry their girlfriend's handbags like a girl.(shopping bags are okay. holding their girlfriend's handbag like shopping bags are okay too.)
3) stuff their hands into their girlfriend's back pocket AND wiggle their fingers.
4) not open the door
5) buff their nails
6) in any situation expect the girl to pay for him.also, if it's an official date, he should be ready to pay for the girl if she expects him to.
7) go on dates without a date plan
8) hit females
9) wear things that emphasize their nipples
10) not know the correct answer to "does my butt look fat in this?".
i just HAD to add this.
11) send the poor girl home if it's past 7pm. actually, just send regardless of the time, simpler. esp if she lives in ulu, deserted, rapist-infested places. (like me.haha!)
yeni posted at 11:53 PM â¢
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"do you want to come back to church?"
this very question is directed at me ever so often. and i never seem to have a proper answer to it. and i never fail to squiggle and squirm my way out of it, whether it involves changing the topic, being sarcastic or whatnot. truthfully, i think i am more than a little afraid to go back.so many doubts and questions, i have. it was ever once a place filled with people i thought were my true friends, once a place where i could find peace in, once a place poured out my feelings and emotions so openly. He was Someone i once trusted and relied on completely. Someone i was once so passionate about. Someone i tried to love so hard. but it turned out that it wasnt enough. everything i did there was wrong, was harshly judged upon, was just not enough. now, whenever i think of what used to be my safe haven, i see hurt, betrayal, judgements, restrictions, rules, hypocrisy. it's sad how everytme i step in that place again, in hopes of finding some meaning to this turnout, all that ever comes out of it is an angry me. if there was any one thing i gained from that place, it's how to stand up on my own two feet.
funny how some things change ain't it?
sometimes, they're good changes, sometimes they're bad. sometimes they're fast, sometimes they take ages. sometimes you love it, sometimes you hate it.
funny how you can speak to a stranger so openly, but find it so hard to tell your loved ones how you feel. funny how you can say "excuse me" to a stranger yet say "move it" to your loved ones. funny how feelings can change so fast.funny how girls call her ex "jerkass" but still love him. funny how you start loving someone after they've left. funny how it's someone you love that hurts you the most. strange huh?
and funny how i've managed to type down the string of thoughts that has been niggling at the back of my mind. incoherent though, i am.
must be the excessive walking in heels all day.
why, oh why, can't we be normal people, who live with bustops outside their houses?
yeni posted at 11:14 PM â¢
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Thursday, December 14, 2006
the grass always seems greener on the other side.
always.
yeni posted at 2:13 PM â¢
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Tuesday, December 12, 2006
just came back from a short short trip to KL.
though it was a pretty unfruitful shopping trip,
but i had a considerable amount of fun actually.
haha.
we arrived at KL about 8pm on sat night.
got off the car, extremely relieved.
to experience some gun fight.
ok, not really gun fight.
but a bunch of men were chasing some guy and kept firing his gun.
and lini, yewi and i were right in the middle of it.
kept laughing somemore.
terrible right?
cause i thought it was a firecracker and kept walking.
till yewi saw the gun and almost hyperventilated.
then our dad quickly got us to jump back into the car.
and yewi laid on the floor for fear of the bullet whizzing through the glass (seriously).
while i got seated next to a hysterical lini. (she laughs when she's scared sometimes)
we-lll.
i din even know why everybody was so scared till yewi told me there was a gun.
haha.
and they say, ignorance is bliss.
and i swear, i have never felt so..constantly full in my entirely life, as i've been these past three days.
haha.
i went there to get fat la, literally. well, to get fatter.
haha.
hmm
haven't been in the mood for many things lately.
can't figure out why either.
but i shld stop posting about all things negative.
just like swearing when you're pissed.
gets you more riled up.
same theory.
haha.
anyway.
yeni.must.do.homework.now.
must.
and there's too much food in my house.
way too much.
oh.
and HAPPY BIRTHDAY NAT! =)
yeni posted at 3:18 PM â¢
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Thursday, December 07, 2006
three words to describe me now:
cranky
grouchy
fatthree things i most wanna do now:
volleyball
badminton
dancethree things i'd hate to do now:
homework
homework
chemistry homeworkthree things i'd love to eat now:
xiaolongbaogreen tea icecream
chocolate fondue
three things i have to do today:
situps
weights
homework
dammit.
just one of those days i wanna lay in bed and listen to music.
but can't.
dang!
I'd give up chocolate, man, but i'm no quitter.ha ha ha
yeni posted at 3:37 PM â¢
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Monday, December 04, 2006
Hurt
By Christina Aguilera
Seems like it was yesterday
When I saw your face
You told me how proud you were,
But I walked away
If only I knew what I know today
I would hold you in my arms
I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you've done
Forgive all your mistakes
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To hear your voice again
Sometimes I wanna call you
But I know you won't be there
Oh, I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you
Some days I feel broke inside
But I won't admit
Sometimes I just wanna hide
'Cause it's you I miss
And it's so hard to say goodbye
When it comes to this
Would you tell me I was wrong?
Would you help me understand?
Are you looking down upon me?
Are you proud of who I am?
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To have just one more chance
To look into your eyes
And see you looking back
Oh, I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself,
oh If I had just one more day
I would tell you how much that I've missed you
Since you've been away
It's dangerous
It's so out of line
To try and turn back time
I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself..
By hurting you
i really love this song.
speaks alot.
anyway,
i wenta JB yesterday to shop.
din buy much there though cos the shoes and clothes there were fugly.
needa get started on Chemistry tuition work.
god, i have no idea what the questions mean though.
dammit.
just one more year of Chemistry and i'm done.
thank god.
ohh
have you ever felt like yellin the crap outta somebody important to you and try make them see some sense for doin something so obviously stupid, on purpose?ok,not on purpose, but for not even seeing that it's stupid. and you wanna help them see that it's really stupid cos you've done that stupid thing before but can't seem to get through to them.
yea,
hmm,
maybe that's why i've been in a perpetual bad mood lately.
oh what the hell.
i'm gonna stop being a nosey parker.
needa start dancing, man.
yeni posted at 6:51 PM â¢
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Friday, December 01, 2006
i have been so unproductive lately.
will start on homework after this post.
promise.
so anyway.
im goin to yewi's lil church camp performance later.
family goin in full force(minus joey who's in Thailand now).
it feels so cute whenever my whole family goes out together.
the six of us lik a big troop, and always having to constantly see everybody is here.
haha.
currently, i think i'm addicted to listening to
Christina.A's Hurt
and
Rihanna's P.S.I'm still not over you.
it's nice!
ok i know it might be alil ulu and unheard of,
but i lik it.=)
ok anyway.
QUIZTIME!
You need to get under 60 to be considered a good girl, anything above is NAUGHTY. haha. i was wonderin if i should change the colour of the things i've done, but then again. too much trouble, and too much info as well.haha.ok! let's see..
1) Smoked
2) Consumed alcohol
3) Slept in the same bed with someone of the opposite sex
4) Slept in the same bed with someone of the same sex
5) Made out with someone of the opposite sex
6) Made out with someone of the same sex
7) Had someone in your room of the opposite sex
8) Watched porn
9) Bought porn
10) Done drugs
TOTAL: 7
11) Taken pain killers
12) Taken someone else's prescription medicine
13) Lied to your parents
14) Lied to a friend
15) Snuck out of the house
16) Done something illegal
17) Cut yourself
18) Hurt someone
19) Wished someone to die
20) Seen someone die
TOTAL: 8
21) Missed curfew
22) Stayed out all night
23) Eaten a carton of ice cream by yourself
24) Been to a therapist
25) Been to rehab
26) Dyed your hair
27) Received a ticket
28) Been in a wreck
29) Been to a club
30) Been to a bar
TOTAL: 4
31) Been to a wild party
32) Seen the Mardi Gras
34) Had a spring break in Florida
35) Sniffed anything
36) Wore black nail polish
37) Wore arm bands
38) Wore t-shirts with band names
39) Listened to rap
40) Owned a 50 cent CD
TOTAL: 3
41) Dressed gothic
42) Dressed prep
43) Dressed punk
44) Dressed grunge
45) Stole something
46) Been too drunk to remember anything
47) Blacked out
48) Fainted
49) Had a crush on your neighbour
50) Had someone sneak into your room
TOTAL: 7
51) Snuck into someone else's room
52) Had a crush on someone of the same sex
53) Been to a concert
54) Dry humped someone
55) Been called a slut
56) Called someone a slut
57) Installed speakers in your car
58) Broke a mirror
59) Showered at someone of the opposites sex's house
60) Brushed your teeth with someone elses toothbrush
TOTAL: 5
61) Consider Mac, Dre, e40 or Mistah Fab your favorite rapper
62) Seen an R rated movie in theaters
63) Cruised the mall
64) Skipped school
65) Had an eating disorder
66) Had an injury
67) Gone to court
68) Walked out of a restaurant without paying
69) Caught something on fire
70) Lied about your age
TOTAL: 7
71) Owned an apartment
72) Cheated on your boyfriend/girlfriend
73) Cheated with someone
74) Got in trouble with the police
75) Talked to a stranger
76) Hugged a stranger
77) Kissed a stranger
78) Rode in the car with a stranger
79) Been sexually harassed
80) Been verbally harassed
TOTAL: 5
81) Met face to face with someone you met online
82) Stayed online for 12 hours straight
83) Talked on the phone for more than 6 hours straight
84) Watched TV for 12 hours straight
85) Been to a fair
86) Been called a bad influence
87) Cursed
88) Prank called someone
89) Laid in the bed with someone of the opposite sex
90) Cheated on a test
TOTAL: 6
91) Cheated on homework
92) Held hands with someone of the opposite sex
93) Been pushed into a pool
94) Played pool
95) Watched 5 hours of mtv straight
96) Had a crush on someone 10 years older than you
97) Had a crush on someone younger than you
98) Wear eyeliner
99) Skinny dipped
100) Laughed at someone who was seriously hurt
TOTAL: 8
ok let's do some math..
ooh.
im a
60!
on the dot!
so i'm just right!
yay me!=)
yeni posted at 11:26 AM â¢
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