Saturday, December 16, 2006
"do you want to come back to church?"
this very question is directed at me ever so often. and i never seem to have a proper answer to it. and i never fail to squiggle and squirm my way out of it, whether it involves changing the topic, being sarcastic or whatnot. truthfully, i think i am more than a little afraid to go back.so many doubts and questions, i have. it was ever once a place filled with people i thought were my true friends, once a place where i could find peace in, once a place poured out my feelings and emotions so openly. He was Someone i once trusted and relied on completely. Someone i was once so passionate about. Someone i tried to love so hard. but it turned out that it wasnt enough. everything i did there was wrong, was harshly judged upon, was just not enough. now, whenever i think of what used to be my safe haven, i see hurt, betrayal, judgements, restrictions, rules, hypocrisy. it's sad how everytme i step in that place again, in hopes of finding some meaning to this turnout, all that ever comes out of it is an angry me. if there was any one thing i gained from that place, it's how to stand up on my own two feet.
funny how some things change ain't it?
sometimes, they're good changes, sometimes they're bad. sometimes they're fast, sometimes they take ages. sometimes you love it, sometimes you hate it.
funny how you can speak to a stranger so openly, but find it so hard to tell your loved ones how you feel. funny how you can say "excuse me" to a stranger yet say "move it" to your loved ones. funny how feelings can change so fast.funny how girls call her ex "jerkass" but still love him. funny how you start loving someone after they've left. funny how it's someone you love that hurts you the most. strange huh?
and funny how i've managed to type down the string of thoughts that has been niggling at the back of my mind. incoherent though, i am.
must be the excessive walking in heels all day.
why, oh why, can't we be normal people, who live with bustops outside their houses?
yeni posted at 11:14 PM â¢
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