Monday, August 21, 2006
hey lini.
this is for you.as lik i promised.read and cry.=) hehheh.
for the rest of you guys who has idea what this is, its an essay with some modifications for my elder sis lini who's studyin in melb uni now.yep.so,here goes:
One last embrace, and that marked our last meeting until what seems like ages away. The stir of raw emotion within was overwhelming, and they were expressed on each our faces with absolutely no warning. With tears literally lining our faces (or mine at least), we bade our farewells. Then, with the turn of her back, she was gone; gone beyond the blasted glass pane of the departure gates, gone beyond my line of vision, but never gone from the depths of my heart.
My elder sister is my best friend and playmate. She knows me inside out, outside in, and I even daresay that she knows me even better than I actually know myself! People used to comment that we are like a mixture of oil and water, not relating to the analogy that we cannot get along, but rather going with the idea that she is always on top of me, taking care of me and always looking out for me. (Of course also always on top of me when things get a little hairy and violent between us. Ahem.) We were what people would describe as inseparable. She indulges me, teaches me, learns from me and most importantly, talks to me. We chat about anything under the sun, topics ranging from the colour of our tops to the random stranger on the street. Sometimes, even when we quarrel, we would unwittingly end on some sort of an animated note. (We had this real intense screaming match once, and we ended up laughing for some oddball reason.) Even with our endless goofy moments, I always saw her as my pillar of support, someone always there for me with arms wide open, a sturdy shoulder and a spare ear. However, I was somewhat let down.
When my sister announced her sudden plans to study abroad, it was as though someone threw a bucket of ice being at me, making my shudder from the top of my head to the tip of my toes; or worse, as though a merciless blow to my guts. I was mad at my sister for wanting to leave. I thought she was being selfish and didn’t care enough about me to spare a thought for my feelings when she made her decision. But I didn’t want her to know that it hurt so badly. I didn’t want her to know that I needed her in my life, that I didn’t want her to leave, and that she was the most important person to me in my life. Therefore, I kept all my thoughts to myself.
However, after a period of rationalizing, I concluded that I was the selfish one; that I was the one that wasn’t thinking for her. The initial simmering anger subsided after I concluded that I was just being a kid about the whole matter. And I didn’t want to be selfish anymore.
The last few days before her arranged departure were spent with each other as special “sister days”. Just like a piece of exotic cloth, we were like the threads that are intricately and purposefully woven together tightly, forming a strong and inseparable bond. We grew closer; we learnt to appreciate each other at a deeper level, and there was some sort of inexplicable air of love between us. Perhaps, just perhaps, this is process of parting.
At the airport, the torrent of emotions that gnarled cruelly and painfully at my insides was intolerable. There was this ineffable feeling of a part of me being dislodged from my own being; the pride in me that still was trying to suppress the waterworks forming in my throat; the pure disbelief and shock that she really was leaving me in physical form. As I saw her silhouette gruelingly creeping away from my side, I swear that my heart ached.
However, time did its duty and the wounds were healed, slowly but surely. Of course there was the unforgettable “adapting days”, which can almost be described as savage. There were the days when I came back to my empty bedroom which I used to share with her and felt self-pity eat at me. There were the days when I became frustrated at my mathematics sums at crave for her ability to enlighten me. There were the nights that used to be filled with girl-talk and giggles that became brutally void. And there are the times when somebody would playfully tap me from behind and there would be this split second when my mind goes “Lini!” But you know what they say about what not killing you only makes you stronger. How apt.
All this time while my sister has been away, there have been the occasional rough patches and bumps. But they made me emerge a stronger girl. Parting is but part and parcel of life. Only by parting would you truly learn how to fully appreciate the significance of someone to you. Although my sister and I are miles apart physically, and we are being reduced to using emails and the rare phone calls as our source of communication, I know for sure that our hearts would forever be knitted as one.
My lini lies over the ocean
My lini lies over the sea.
My lini lies over the ocean.
So bring back my lini to me.
I love ya sister.=) muah.
yeni posted at 9:46 PM â¢
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